Insanity
by Matthew G Given
Summary: Post episode 805 One shot Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, Martha and Alexis convince Castle that it is time for him to give up the insanity he has been living with. Sorry if you hate me after reading this but I
1. Chapter 1

**Insanity: Doing the same thing and expecting different results.**

 **I do not own Castle, if I did the show would not have been run into the ground this season.**

 **Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, Martha and Alexis convince Castle that it is time for him to give up the insanity he has been living with.**

 **Post episode 8X05 One shot.**

 **Insanity**

 **By**

 **Matthew G. Given**

Martha Rodgers was excited and she could tell her granddaughter was as well, as they both entered her son's loft. She knew he had been having a hard time she hoped her good news would cheer him up. After everything her family had been put through she knew they could use some good news, she just hoped he was home to hear it, he had not answered his cell when his daughter had called him.

"Dad, are you home!" Alexis called out excitedly as she unlocked and stepped through the door.

Martha followed her granddaughter and she had a big smile on her face. "Richard, I have some great news!" the smile faded as she looked around the loft and finally spotted her son, he was slumped over in the big office chair in his office holding onto a gray NYPD T-Shirt, the only thing more gray then the shirt seemed to be her son's mood. He was lost to the world, just looking at the shirt and he didn't even seem to notice his mother or daughter enter the room.

Alexis then drew Martha's attention to something else with a nod, that was the only thing left that belonged to his wife in the loft. So she had done it, after all, the detective had broken her son. Martha had always gone to bat for the detective but now seeing the man that she had raised reduced to this pitiful state and knowing how many times he had put his life on the line for the woman, Martha Rodgers was filled with nothing but contempt for the detective who had left her son hanging like this and left him shattered.

"Oh, dad." Alexis said and as she bent over and hugged her father, and Martha could tell sorrow and anger were battling for control of her granddaughter at that moment.

"Alexis when did you get here?" Rick asked his daughter with a start as he dropped the T-Shirt into his lap as if it was some guilty secret.

"Just now." Alexis replied gently as she looked down at her father. "Grams and I had some good news, but I guess you are not in the mood."

"Mother." Castle said with surprise, he had not even noticed her standing behind his daughter, that was how lost he had been in his grief.

"Hello Richard." Martha said sadly looking down at her son, she didn't like to butt into his personal life, after all what right did she have to judge, but she knew it was also effecting Alexis and her grades so she was torn.

"Dad, are you okay?" Alexis asked her father as she stooped down to his level and looked him in the eyes so he couldn't lie to her.

"I am fine, it is nothing you need to worry about." Castle said as he reached up and wiped his red with the right hand sleeve of his shirt. "Are you okay, you look like you haven't gotten a good night sleep in week." Richard observed as he got a good looked at his daughter's eyes and the circles under them.

"Don't try to kid me, something is bothering you. I can always tell, what is it?" The writer asked his daughter with a concerned look on his face. Martha then got the impression that this had become a private father and daughter moment and it was not the time for a crowd or her good news, so she excused her self and left for the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

Neither Alexis or her father noticed the older actress leave the room. "I am fine, it's nothing you need to worry about." Alexis answered in reply to her father's question as she stood up and turned away from her father.

"I can't settle for that, I am your father and you may be an adult but I will always worry about you." Castle said as he placed his hand on Alexis' shoulder in a comforting manor.

Alexis let out a sigh and then turned to face him. "It's none of my business." Alexis said firmly, still not facing her father.

"Hey, we are family, whatever this is it is bothering you and I want to help." Her father insisted.

"I think it would destroy our relationship, I have no business getting involved and it shouldn't be bothering me at all." Alexis said honestly as she took a step forward away from her father and out of his reach.

"Nothing could do that." Her father insisted as he stepped forward and tried to hug her.

"This could." Alexis insisted as she pulled away yet again.

"How?" Her father asked and he sounded puzzled.

"Because you care about her more then anyone else and if I say anything about her you don't like, if I say what I really think of her, if I tell you what I think you should do, then you will get mad and not want anything to do with me." Alexis said spinning around to face her shocked father with anger and hurt written all over her face. "I know because I have been on the other side of this, I have been in a bad relationship and last year I pushed you away. When choosing between love and family the heart will always choose love and I can't stand to lose my only family so please forget I said anything."

Castle slumped back into his chair, still clutching the T-shirt in his left hand, he then looked even more lost then he had a moment before. He couldn't believe that his little girl was now afraid he would hate her, had he really given her the impression that if she was honest with him he would throw her out of his life? Then again hadn't he done that with everyone else who came between him and Kate? His poker buddies got in the way of his spending time with Kate so he had stopped seeing them, he had planned to move to DC when she had gone there despite the fact that Alexis had given up the college of her choice to stay in New York and be near him, he had even continued to put his life in danger for Kate after his daughter had clearly been worried about him after his kidnapping. Was it any wonder she thought she wasn't of any importance to him any more? He knew he had to make this right.

"Pumpkin, that will never happen. If you need to say something to let off steam you can say it. I am not going anywhere, you can't push me away." Castle said as he leaned forward and hugged his daughter.

"Fine." Alexis said standing up. "I haven't been sleeping well because I have been worried about you and for the first time in about a year the nightmares are back." The redhead explained and this caused Castle to wince. She had suffered from night terrors after her kidnapping and he knew that they had returned when he was kidnapped, but he also knew that they had gone away once he had turned up safe and sound.

"I am sorry." Castle said as he stood up, still holding the shirt like it was some kind of life line.

"Only now in my nightmares you are chasing after her and you get blown up by a bomb and she just stands there and laughs." Alexis continued to explained.

"Oh, Pumpkin." Castle said as he pulled his daughter into a hug and gently stroked her hair. "That will never happen.

"Really?!" Alexis said with disbelief. "How many times in the past year alone have you nearly gotten yourself killed chasing after **Her** , and yet she isn't even here for you?" The writer didn't have answer for that so Alexis continued. "That is what I thought, more times then you can count."

"Okay." Castle admitted taking in a breath. "I'll grant you I have done some dangerous things but you can't expect me to just give up on my wife. I promise I will be more careful, but I have to be there for Kate after all she has done for me."

"What has she done for you?" Alexis demanded and she was clearly angry at her father's wife and this caused him to get defensive.

"She made me a better person, she has made me happy." He tried to explain. Instead of answering her father right away his daughter grabbed the hard cover copy of Storm fall that was on the bookshelf and then firmly grabbed her father by the arm and pulled him in the direction of the big mirror that was in his bed room.

"Take a good look at the man in the mirror and tell me if he looks better or happier then the person on the cover of this book jacket." Alexis said firmly as she thrust the book into his hands.

Castle looked at the mirror, he saw a bloated, middle aged man, a sad man, a man who didn't sleep at night, a man who's best years were behind him and was now content to go through the motions of life until some day he caught a bullet or a bomb. He then looked down at the cover of the book, and he saw a happy young man with everything in the world going for him, still he knew that smile was fake and he wasn't willing to admit that Kate had been anything other then a force for good in his life, how could he?, she was the most amazing person he had ever met.

"I'll grant you I have put on some weight and I am a little depressed now, but I was worse off before I met Kate, she makes me happy." Castle tried to explain to his daughter.

"Does she really?" Alexis demanded. "Because I remember when we used to have fun, I remember you smiling once in a while, I remember you having friends and not spending all your time sulking and trying to get yourself killed. I remember a time when I wasn't just waiting around to find out how you were going to die and then worrying about how I was going to get get along with your wife long enough to plan your funeral." Alexis said and tears were beginning to stream out of her eyes and down her face.

"Okay, I promise I will be more careful in future." Castle said as he tried to comfort his daughter but she pulled away.

"No, you will not." Alexis said with a sniff. "They say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results and I am not insane enough to believe you can change. Once you have fallen for a woman you will do anything for her and you don't care what happens to you or how unhappy you make yourself."

"That's not true." Castle insisted and he tried to explain thing to his clearly distressed daughter in a way she would understand. "I know Kate and I are going through a rough patch but that happens. I have never had trouble letting go of women, page six and the internet can give you all the proof you need of that." He smiled at this and tried to lighten the mood but his daughter didn't seem to be amused so he pushed on. "These things happen and Kate is the only woman I would ever do this for because I love her. I made this mess by not giving her space and now I have to make it right, I have to show her that I can be what she needs me to be."

"Really, you really believe that load of bullshit you just said!" Alexis demanded and her face turned red and she was on the warpath now and Castle knew better then to interrupt an angry redhead. "Because from where I am standing it looks like you go after two types of women. One are the girls you are seen with in page six, you don't really care about them so you can let them go just fine. The second type are the ones who you really love and no matter how much they hurt you, you will let them continue to hurt you and never stand up for yourself or think they have to be there for you when you need someone and after they have broken your heart I am left here to pick up the pieces and I just have to pray that you will not do something stupid trying to win them back, when the truth was they never cared about you in the first place so you never stood a chance of winning them over or getting what you need from them."

"That isn't true! You have no idea what you are talking about, how dare you say those things about Kate!" Castle yelled at his daughter, in that moment all the heartbreak he had been feeling over the past month came roaring out as pure rage directed against his daughter and he couldn't control himself, as he screamed at her like a madman he grabbed her by the shoulders and began shaking her.

"Please, let go of me." Alexis pleaded softly. Castle was now horrified at his own actions, what had he done? He let go of his daughter and fell to the floor as Alexis slowly backed away with fear on her face. He still had the T-Shirt in his hand, it's scent was the last reminder he had of Kate in this house and he took comfort in it but what did it say about him now. His daughter was now hiding from him in the corner and clearly scared of him. She had been right, he was awful person. He had driven all three of his wives away and now he had assaulted his own daughter. He began to cry.

"I am so sorry." He pleaded as he curled up in the fetal position and began to cry.

Alexis wasn't willing to go anywhere near her father but she also didn't want to give up on him. "Dad, I don't want to be afraid of you either." She said as he own tears began falling once again. "This is going to take some time to get over and I'll call you when I am ready to see you again. Until then I need you to know that I still love you, but I can't see you or talk to you for a while."

This caused Castle to have a gut reaction, he had lost Kate, there was nothing he could do to change that but he couldn't lose his daughter as well. Kate wasn't as bad as his daughter had made her out to be and he would always be in love with her, but after what he had done and what his wife had turned him into he knew his daughter was right. In an instant he had a moment of revelation as for the first time he looked at himself from the outside like a character in a book and for the first time he saw what his daughter saw, he did have a pattern that had been repeating it's self throughout his whole life.

"No, wait!." Castle called out and this cause his daughter to stop in her tracks. "You are right." He said more quietly.

"Dad, I don't want to blackmail you, this isn't a punishment and I am not giving up on you and it isn't a choice between Kate and me. This isn't about me being right, I had no business getting involved in the first place, this is more my fault then yours. I just need time." Alexis explained as she turned to face her father.

"I know that." Castle pleaded. "But please listen to me before you go and then I will give you the space you need."

"Okay." Alexis said trying to remain calm. "But I don't want you doing anything you don't want to do and I was out of line, I should never have said the things that I did. I don't want you doing anything to make me happy, I want you to do what will make you happy and if being with Kate and working with her even at times like this really makes you happy then I will support you and I will really be happy for you. If you were to get killed working with her I would know you died protecting someone you loved and saving lives and I will be proud of you."

"I get that." Castle said with nod. "I just had a moment of clarity thanks to you and I saw what you were talking about."

"Please don't make up anything you don't feel or don't really believe to keep me around, you are not a monster and I will be back." Alexis pleaded.

"Okay." Castle said with a sigh. "Just please let me explain. First there was Keri, she left me without a word and when she turned back up in my life I was ready to let her back in no questions asked, even though she was a day away from getting married to another man. Then I caught your mother in bed with another man and I wouldn't let her go until she moved to the other side of the country, and then there is Kate." Castle let out a sad sigh as he said the name.

"She isn't the same type that you go chasing after dad, If she makes you happy that is okay." Alexis insisted, she really didn't want her father to do anything that would make him sad just because she had spoken up when she should have kept her mouth shut.

"I know but you are wrong she is the same type, I just didn't see it until now." Castle said and he felt like throwing up but somehow he knew what he was going to say had to be said out loud or he would never be able to get on with his life. "It's not her fault and it is one of the things that drew me to her but she is completely closed off. She never let me in and she ran away every time we got close. I told I loved her and she ran away without a word, She then planned to move to DC without telling me and instead of getting mad I proposed, and now she moves out without a word and I am still chasing after her. I chase after woman who I never have a chance with and I can't let go. It's time that I stopped this self destructive behavior and learned to let things go. It's not healthy for me and it's not healthy for Kate and it is has hurt my relationships with everyone else around me. I have not seen my friends in years because when I fall in love I let it consume every part of me."

"That is one of the things that makes you such a good person." Alexis pointed out as she took a step closer to her father.

"I guess but I think it also comes from not having a family when I was a kid, I have always wanted one so much that I try to push woman who don't want that kind of relationship into it and that is not healthy for me or them and I have not been showing them respect by respecting their wishes. It was never a partnership, it was just me trying to force them into something and that is not how healthy relationships work." Castle explained to his daughter and things were becoming more and more clear to him by the moment.

"It's not all one sided dad, They all should have cared enough about you to at least explain to you what was going wrong." Alexis said as she tried to comfort her father.

"Yeah, I guess." Castle said with a sigh. "Still the only relationship I have ever had with a woman where I think she wanted what I wanted was with Gina and even then I pushed her away both times because I was scared, so I hid in a relationship with a woman who I knew didn't love me so I could be safe. There was a strange comfort to repeating the same pattern over and over again, after all at least then I knew how I was going to be hurt and I knew I could get though it. I have been stuck in a cycle."

"What are you going to do about it?" Alexis asked.

"I can't change the way I feel overnight but I can change the way I act." Castle said as he looked at his daughter. "I need to do what is healthy for me, and if Kate or another woman can be a part of it that is fine, but if they can't at least I will not have spent my whole life in a holding partner." Suddenly Castle felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his back and while he was still heartbroken, for the first time he could see a way forward. "I need to learn how to let go." With those words Castle dropped the shirt onto the floor and didn't even look at it, he had real people in his life that meant more to him then an empty shirt and that was what he was going to focus on from that point forward.

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When Captain Kate Beckett let herself into the apartment she had been living out of for the past three months she saw that a large envelope was sitting on the floor, it had been dropped through the mail slot along with assorted pieces of junk mail. When she saw the address her heart froze, it was from home, or at least her former home. She had not seen her husband in the two months since she had moved out and she wondered if she should call him, she wanted to but she knew she had to handle everything on her own, that was the only way to keep him safe.

Still fear and guilt raced through her as she sat down on the floor and opened the envelope and four items came falling out. The first one was the T-Shirt she had left for her husband when she had moved out. She started to cry, maybe she should have trusted him and not made choices that affected him as well as her on her own, still the past could not be undone she just had to make the best of it. That was when she saw the letter. She picked it up and slowly began to read.

 _My dear Kate._

 _I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you. I don't blame you for what happened I blame myself. I have been seeing a counselor and he agrees that I have made some bad choices in my life and I have to break out of the pattern. I am sorry that this will cause you pain but I believe it is best for both of us if I just do this and get it over with. I am sorry that I pushed you into a marriage and relationship you never wanted, I should have respected your wishes the first time you told me you didn't want me around, I used my friendship with your bosses to force myself into your life and that was wrong. I know you felt something for me and I know it was strong, but I also know you want completely different things out of life then I do. That is my problem, I always go for the woman who want different things in life and I always end up hurting them._

 _My mother was offered a six years contract for a new TV drama, she has to move to California in order to take the job and I have decided to go with her. Alexis is transferring to a college out there so we can be together as a family. I am sorry that the family doesn't include you but I now see that was something I wanted, not you. I was wrong to try and force that on you and I am sorry._

 _I have sold the loft and I am giving you half of everything. This is forever. Please don't try and contact me. My life is now more then half over and I need to move on. If you care about me at all you will not cause either of us more pain. I need to grow up and find myself so I can enjoy the rest of my life._

 _Know that I will always treasure our time together and I wish you nothing but the best. I hope that you will find what you need to make yourself happy and I am just sorry that it couldn't be me._

 _Love, Always_

 _Castle._

It was as the tears were streaming down her face that Kate noticed the other two items on the floor. One was an official looking piece of paper that said that had a notice at the top in big bold letters that read, **Notice of petition for divorce.**

She then looked down and saw that Castle's Wedding ring was sitting on the floor next to it and then she started to cry. Maybe it was for the best, after all her life had always been about one thing, taking down killers and even when she had tried to fool herself into thinking love was enough she had never really let Castle in. She didn't lead a life that other people should be involved in, she knew this was for the best and she had no one to blame but herself, still she could not help the screams that she let out at that moment.

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It was six months latter when Beckett was feeling a little better as she sat in a chair in her apartment reading the morning paper. It was her day off and she was trying to relax, she wondered in the back of her mind what her Ex husband would have had them doing today but then she pushed the thought aside, at least until she saw the story on page six.

 _Famous Mystery writer Richard Castle still knows how to shock the writing world._

 _Just six months after he divorced his third wife, NYPD captain Kate Beckett, who inspired his best selling Niki Heat series of books, the famous writer and playboy announced that he is getting remaried to his former publisher and second ex wife Gina Cowell. This came as a huge shock to the writing world as the two reportedly shared a somewhat stormy relationship years ago. In a statement Richard Castle explained "I have done a lot of growing up since then, we never stopped loving each other and the problem before was I didn't let her in and we mixed work with our love. This time we are real partners and we are in this for keeps."_

 _Still given the writer's history we will have to wait and see how long those words will remain true. In the same statement the writer announce that his next Niki Heat book will be the last in that series, still fans of Richard Castle will not have to wait long for his next book as it was also announced that for the first time Richard Castle will be writing a book with a partner. He and his new bride will share credit for a book due out next September entitled Written in Blood, the book will focus on a pair of TV writer who are drawn into a murder case when a serial killer targets the stars of the popular Tv show they write for._

 _Mr. Castle's mother is actress Martha Rodgers who currently stars in the hit series Inner City ER, about an under funded hospital in an unnamed run down inner city. The series recently made the news when a love triangle resulted in an apparent murder suicide on the on the part of two of the stars. It has been reported that Mr. Castle was key to pointing the police in the direction of Hubert Simpson, who had a minor role on the show who was involved in the triangle and murdered the two stars and staged the scene to look like a murder suicide._

 _Given that the Niki Heat books were based on real events, one has to wonder if Richard Castle and Gina Cowell were inspired by true events in this case as well when it came to writing their next book._

 _One last juicy piece of gossip. In the statement Mr. Castle release he also stated that he and Ms. Cowell are expecting their first child this summer._

 _One thing is for sure, Richard Castle still knows how to shock and surprise the world with his real life and we can only hope his books continue to do so for many years to come._

Beckett finished reading the story and then looked down at the picture that came with it. The story at first made her want to throw up, but then she got a look at the man that she loved and she saw that he looked better then he had in years. He looked like he had lost thirty pounds and he and Gina both had broad smiles on their faces as they looked at the camera. He was really happy, she could tell. What right did she have to be upset. She would always love him, but she also knew that if you loved someone you had to let them go if that was what was best for them.

She had been seeing Dr. Burke again and come to revelation that she just wasn't suited for long term relationships, her work would always come first and there was nothing wrong with that, it was good work and over the past few months she had learned to be happy with it. She was after all a modern woman and she didn't need a man to be happy, she had good friends and coworkers and a rewarding job and now she was surprised to find herself happy to see Castle moving on. Her one regret in life had been causing him pain when she had fooled herself into thinking their relationship could work. Now seeing him happy didn't exactly make her happy but it did leave her content. She would never regret the time they spent together but now at last it looked like they had both found a way to move on and that left her feeling content.

Burke had been right when he told her the only way to be truly happy was to be honest with yourself about who you were and what you wanted out of life. Beckett felt that at last she was ready to be happy because for the first time she was honest with herself. She was happy with her life and didn't need to conform to some Hollywood ideal.

She stood up and tossed the paper in the trash as she went to refill her coffee mug feeling free of guilt for the first time in about a year. That was a good feeling and she hoped Castle was feeling that way as well.

 **The End**

 **Well what did you think? This is just an idea that wouldn't leave my head after the recent episodes and I couldn't clear my head to work on my other story until I got it on paper. I know a lot of people will be mad at me and for that I am sorry. I can only say that this is how I would deal with how screwed up the show has become and that I couldn't clear my head to do any other writing until I got this out.**

 **This basic idea has been giving me writer's block for two weeks, and then last night's episode gave me a way into it.**

 **I am sorry to anyone who thinks I was hard on Beckett or any other character, but I needed to put this on paper so I could move on.**

 **I know it is not a good story and I am sorry for that, thanks for reading any way and I will try to have a new chapter of my other story up in a couple of days.**

 **Thanks again for your support of me even when I am writing complete garbage like this, you guys are the best.**


	2. Good News Everyone!

**Good news Everyone!**

 **I know it has been years but I am finally able to continue with all of my Mass Effect and Castle stories. I am right now editing all of the many mistakes I made in all of them and posting a Let's Play on Youtube of all three Games that's play through is as close to the background of the Shepard in my stories as I can get.**

 **I know it has been years so I don't expect anyone to still be following my stories and I know I let you all down but I just thought I would give you this update. I hope to have all these stories edited and to start posting new chapters of both my unfinished stories, including this one some time in the next month but if Christmas gets in the way it will be early in the new year but the first week of 2016 is the farthest I will let it slip.**

 **Well hope you enjoy these stories and sorry my blockage and other problems got in the way up if anyone is still following thanks for reading, I hope to have something posted that is worth the wait soon.**

 **Now for the shameless plug, if you look for my user name here on facebook or youtube you can find me on both of those places. I am almost done with my Let's Play of the first Mass Effect.**

 **Well any way I am feeling better then I have in years and I hope you enjoy the rest of my stories. I will be alternating between this story and my other unfinished stories and posting new chapters every day.**

 **Sorry for the long wait and that it is going to be a little longer but I want to get the old chapters fixed before I post new ones, plus I am having a lot of fun playing with the video editing software on my computer right now.**

 **Well I hope you are all well and Thanks for reading this.**


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